Thursday, September 17, 2015

Happy International Talk Like a Pirate Day!

Ahoy Matey! International Talk Like a Pirate Day is upon us! It's that time of the year when the compass starts to spin in all directions and we celebrate like fictional pirates! Since Halloween is still 42 days away and let's face it, the Labor Day weekend was pretty much of a snooze, we are itching for a proper dress up holiday dedicated to talking funny while eating and drinking way too much! 

Avast! This doesn't have anything to do with real pirates, so no weapons or hostages are involved. Sadly no treasure either, except for the chocolate variety and most of us do consider that a treasure of sorts. It's not a day we celebrate the heinous deeds of pirates, just the silliness of talking like them. Here's Burt, exercising his navigational skills to plot a course for partying like it's 1699!

Aye, Aye! Studying up on the lingo is mandatory. The old adage, it's not what you say, it's how you say it, is good to remember. The general consensus is to be as loud, abrasive and confident as possible. Replace "I" with "me" and drop the Gs. The archetypical pirate grunts, Arrr! and Arrrgh! actually have quite different meanings, the former is a term of agreement and the later is an expletive, if you catch my drift. Fortunately, as the party wears on into the early morning and after a generous amount of rum and ale have been consumed, it probably won't make much difference what we say. 

Talking with the locals is a good way to learn many fun and interesting things to say, for instance saying "ass rye" when you mean "that's right' is always a crowd pleaser. For pirate names, the rule is to precede a person's name with something insulting like a criminal behavior or noxious odor. Though from personal experience I can say it's not always a good idea to be lazy and use your own name beginning with "Smarmy" or "Scurvy" for a pirate name. These things can last well beyond one day.

All this strange talking certainly does give us an appetite. Luckily, the parody religion Pastafarianism and it's deity the Flying Spaghetti Monster also share Talk Like a Pirate Day. Since every holiday needs a special dish to make it truly festive and because turkey and ham are already taken, we feast on spaghetti and meatballs. Hey, we're not eating like pirates, just talking like them! Now it's time for that Scurvy Scallywag Burt ta be shake 'n a leg 'n makin' the pasta! Arrr!  

Shiver me timbers!
Rolling out the pasta until the sun shines through it can be a religiously scary experience! 

Nautical Nick's got the job of cutting it into spaghetti. The Noodleyness is taking shape!

Finally, it's all together! Time to celebrate at the plate of the Flying Spaghetti Monster,
in the name of the meatballs and the sauce and the pasta. Ramen! 

Yo, Ho, Ho! It's a pirate's life for Burt! Is there any separating a pirate from his drink? According to Capt. Jack Sparrow drinking rum before 10:00 am makes you a pirate, not an alcoholic. How much trouble will Burt be getting into with this rum named after the Kraken? Will there be singing soon?

So turn over the tables and shoot out the lights, cause we're all going to party like Pirates tonight!*

Eye patches, earrings and rum aside, it's a relatively stress free holiday usually followed by aspirin in the morning. The vocabulary is pretty limited but some well placed hand gestures combined with a scowl goes along way and it's a great excuse to slip in a few insults to those who deserve them! Burt enjoys being called a pustulant, pox-ridden halibut because he believes you should always be yourself, unless you can be a pirate, then always be a pirate.

'tis time ta heave ho, batten down the hatches, weigh anchor and hoist the mizzen!  

Thanks for stopping by you scurvy dogs!  Hope yer havin' a great weekend.
Aye, ye better or ye be walking' the plank! 

Happy International Talk Like a Pirate Day!
Thanks a million to the founders, Ol' Chumbucket and Cap'n Slappy!
Thanks also to wikiHow and quotes

*these are the last lines of an unattributed poem I found under Pirate Party on Pinterest 

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